the sandbox

after another long day of composing and video editing the wife unit looks over and states "its an addiction, right?" i nod silently in her direction and realize its probably a good time to stop for the day. although we have been married 15 years, i don't think we have had the conversation that followed. composing is something i do, but really this blog is one of my few outlets to "talk" about it. calling it an addiction is probably technically true, but we did agree that over the years i have become more a more functional human being in the process.

i used to be pretty bad and could easily ignore everybody for days trying to get a project started (and i even asked her to leave the house a few times) just so i could write. it seems silly now and i'm pretty embarrassed about it. over time i have learned to trust my instincts and as long as the ideas are flowing i cancel everything else and write until as much and as long as i can.

right now i am in what i call "the sandbox". its the stage when i have a fully realized idea. every morning is another opportunity to 'play'; build new castles, and tear down the old ones that the tide is starting to wreck. its a very satisfying place to be.

first there is the idea (sometimes i sketch them out, or write them down for a later date), and if wake up the next day and still think it is a good idea i'll start to make it real. this is where the most unpleasant and painful part of the process is. until that idea is "real" and becomes a full piece i usually find myself in a focused mad dash to get as much of it on paper as possible.

sometimes the ideas are quick fully formed (life's too short, retrace our steps act II, summerland and principal of sufficient irritation) other times the initial idea seems strong, but somehow the realization feels a little off (fearless leader, retrace our steps act I, myinnersatan).
why and how this happens, i don't know? i think pieces are like kids, and i want to see them all grow up and be successful, but in the end you learn to accept their strengths and weaknesses as part of the human condition. one of the stranger recent developments is that i have noticed that some people have much higher opinions of some of my "kids" than i do. both pieces have had many versions (awkward teen years) and though my group really enjoys performing both, i still flinch and shuffle my feet during various sections.

there is a strange process in which the initial "idea" becomes a composition. all i can say is that it is a gut feeling and you know when it works. sometimes i have to confirm it in rehearsal, but these days my intuition is getting better. this is the problem solving part of the process, a little nip and tuck here and there, from that original idea a universe is implied and i get to live in it for the duration of the creation of the piece. this part is wonderful. you know you are here when you can walk away from the piece and come back in few days and still are interested in the same things. no matter which metaphor i use (playing in the sandbox, living in matrix...) this is very much like a video game where you get to live inside of the world you created.

the next step is taking it rehearsal and seeing how everything translates to the real world. over
time this has become easier and usually have an idea of what will work and where the problems might be. the first few readings are very important and feel that if a group of intelligent adults dont "get it" within a few hours then i really need to look long and hard to answer those "why's?" (that is why i tape all my rehearsals") i think there are two sides to this coin. on one side we reasonably only have 2-3 rehearsals before a show and need to be able to put something out in a short amount of time. if there are problems i know that we can smooth over the initial bumps and i can make some changes over the next few months, but its very important to be able perform the new works in a timely matter so you can always be rotating in new repertoire into the show.

its a strange dichotomy; when i'm writing i'm thinking about performing and when performing i'm thinking about writing. i'm not sure how to turn that switch off and afraid what would happen if i could.